MATRIMONY
"The matrimonial covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring; this covenant between baptized person has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament."
A Message from the Pastor of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel Church
Dear Engaged Couple,
Congratulations on your planned sacramental marriage!
Marriage is special to Catholics. We consider it a sacrament; a sign of God's everlasting love. It is a special grace for the couple and an important sign for the community. The public, communal nature of Catholic marriages requires that the consent be received by, and the exchange of vows be witnessed by, an official church witness; normally a priest or deacon. This is what most people call being "married in church."
Hopefully, this booklet will answer a lot of the questions you may have. Please read through it before your first appointment. The elements of the marriage preparation process we utilize are required by the Diocese of San Diego and are similar to the process required in dioceses across the United States. Scheduling and completion of the programs can take up to 9 months, so contact us early to begin your preparation.
The total process of preparation for your marriage is seen as a time of opportunity for learning and growing in your love for one another and in your faith. We will ask the parish to pray for you as you prepare and as the date of your wedding approaches. Please take advantage of this time to bring God more deeply into your relationship.
With my prayers,
Rev. Patrick J. Murphy
Pastor
MARRIAGE PREPARATION GUIDELINES
üSetting the Date of the Wedding
Prior to scheduling a date for a wedding, couples must be interviewed by either the parish priest or a deacon at least nine months in advance of the date on which they hope to celebrate their wedding. The date for the celebration of the wedding will only be booked after one these interviewers has had an opportunity to meet with the engaged couple to take care of necessary paper work and to arrange for their participation in a marriage preparation program. It is the responsibility of the engaged couple to make an appointment to see one of our preparers and to consult with them before-making commitments with caterers, reception halls, etc.
üScheduling the Time of the Celebration
Weddings are normally scheduled on Saturdays in the church at 10:00 a.m. or 2:00 p.m. We do not schedule weddings on Sundays. On occasion, a wedding may be celebrated on a weekday evening. Weddings are not scheduled at Our Lady of Mt. Carmel between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday nor between December 15 and January 1.
üDiocesan Preparation Program
Marriage Preparation in the Diocese of San Diego consists of one or more of the following:
Diocesan Marriage Preparation Program or DMPP: a session to assist each couple to focus on the essential elements of a Christian marriage. At this time, the FOCCUS (Facilitating Open Couple Communications, Understanding, and Study) Couple Inventory is administered.
CATHOLIC ENGAGED ENCOUNTER (CEE): an approved marriage preparation program available to couples who are being married in the San Diego Diocese. This weekend retreat for engaged couples is designed to deepen, develop and enrich their lives together.
EVENINGS FOR THE ENGAGED (EE): this program is similar to the CEE weekend, but meets one night per week, for six weeks. It is recommended that a couple be prepared to register for a CEE program in case the EE program cannot be scheduled.
INTRODUCTION TO NATURAL FAMILY PLANNING: this is a session, where the Church’s teaching on married love and responsible parenthood is examined.
AWARENESS AND PREPARATION FOR REMARRIAGE: this program is designed for couples entering a second marriage because of a divorce or the death of a spouse.
CONVALIDATION: designed for civilly married couples who now desire to be married in the Catholic Church and practice their faith tradition.
üRequired Documents
Some documents for church records are needed:
a) Baptismal certificates for bride and groom
These must be original copies issued from the church of Baptism no earlier than six months prior to the marriage.
b) Statement of Freedom to Marry
When the couple is not personally known to the priest these forms state that neither the bride nor the groom has been married before. The forms are available at the parish office and must be signed by a relative in the presence of either a priest or deacon.
c) If one of the partners is a non-Catholic
Permission from a priest or deacon with faculties is needed. The Diocese of San Diego recommends marriage rite celebration without Mass.
d) If one of the partners Is a non-Christian
Dispensation from a priest or deacon with faculties is needed. Marriage cannot be celebrated within Mass.
e) Marriage License
Please obtain your marriage license one month before the wedding. A license application is available on the county website at www.sdarcc.com or at one of sev- eral offices in the county. Some offices require an appointment, so it is best to call the Main Administration Office at (619) 531-6248 for more information.
üThe Ministers of the Celebration
PRIEST AND/OR DEACON
The role of the priest or deacon is to serve as the principal witness on behalf of the Christian community at your wedding celebration. Ordinarily, the pastor of the parish will witness your wedding.
When it is not possible for the pastor to be present, one of the pastoral staff members will assist you in finding someone else.
If you have a priest friend or relative whom you wish to invite to preside at your wedding you should mention this early in the process. There is a form stating the requirements, which will have to be filled out and returned to us.
All visiting priests will be asked to observe the parish policy concerning marriages and the liturgical customs of the parish.
MUSICIANS
A copy of the Guidelines for Wedding Music is included in your packet of materials at your initial interview and includes lists of suggestions for music and approved musicians. Ordinarily, the music ministers of the parish provide the music for weddings celebrated at Our Lady of Mt. Carmel and they are familiar with the vast repertoire of beautiful and appropriate Catholic music available for worship. Any arrangements for outside musicians to play or sing at your wedding must be made in coordination with the Pastoral Associate.
LECTORS, EUCHARISTIC MINISTERS, ALTAR SERVERS
Friends and family members who are trained in these ministries and serve at their home parishes may participate. If you ask them to serve in any of these ministries, they are required to be at the rehearsal so that they can practice in the worship space.
MINISTERS OF HOSPITALITY
The groom's attendants usually function as ushers and thus fulfill part of the Ministry of Hospitality. The bride's attendants, and, indeed, the bride and groom and their families may also act as ministers of hospitality. It is a mature and gracious gesture for all members of the wedding party to greet the members of the Assembly as they gather for the celebration of the wedding.
A Note About Ring Bearers and Flower Girls:
The procession of the wedding party to the altar is to be a reverent and dignified moment. Therefore, we recommend that children in your wedding party and/or procession be at least six years of age. We ask that you please consider the children involved in these roles and whether their presence will add to or detract from the joyful solemnity of the celebration.
üPREPARING FOR THE LITURGY
In consultation with the preparer, the couple will determine if the marriage is to be celebrated at Mass or in a Liturgy of the Word. The determining criteria will center around what form of liturgy will best enable a particular wedding assembly to celebrate with the bride and groom. In preparing the wedding liturgy, couples will be asked to incorporate elements which will encourage the active participation of those who gather for the celebration. This will include participation through sung and spoken prayer. A booklet entitled TOGETHER FOR LIFE will be given to the couple. As a part of their preparation, engaged couples will be asked to fill out the worksheet in this booklet. Our Wedding Coordinator will be happy to help you incorporate special cultural traditions or ceremonies, such as presenting flowers at the shrine of Our Blessed Mother and using the veil, cord or lasso and coins in your ceremony.
üTHE ENVIRONMENT OF THE WORSHIP SPACE
As a part of the preparation for the wedding, the parish Wedding Coordinator will show each couple different seating arrangements for the bride and groom, witnesses and attendants and options for the placement of flowers. A contract containing a complete set of guidelines for florists will be provided to you to present to the florist of your choice. Standing candelabra and the use of aisle runners are not permitted.
Also no rice, birdseed, confetti, bubbles, flower petals or the like is to be thrown (inside or outside) or otherwise spread on Church property. It is your responsibility to inform those invited to the wedding of this limitation.
üPHOTOGRAPHY AND VIDEOTAPING
To preserve the dignity and solemnity of the Sacrament of Marriage, a contract containing a complete set of guidelines for photographers and videographers will be provided to you to present to the photographer/videographer of your choice.
üREHEARSALS
A rehearsal is required and is usually scheduled on the Thursday or Friday before your wedding. It allows the members of the immediate wedding party to become familiar with the environment of our church building and with the public roles they will assume as part of the liturgy. The parish Wedding Coordinator will direct the rehearsal and will give a brief overview of the liturgy to help all concerned understand the prayerful nature of the celebration.
We ask that you make sure that all members of the wedding party are present for the rehearsal and that they arrive on time. Please allow at least one hour for the rehearsal.
üDRESSING ROOMS
Two rooms are available as “waiting areas” for the bride and her attendants. OLMC is not responsible for valuables left in these rooms, or any other area of the church. Because there are neither mirrors nor restrooms directly attached to these rooms, the Bride is encouraged to dress at home.
üWEDDING COORDINATOR & MUSICIANS
We rely on the time and talent of our Wedding Coordinator and Musicians to assist you in the planning and execution of a wedding ceremony that, by its dignity and beauty, will lead all who are present to a deeper understanding of Christian marriage and, consequently, to a greater commitment to it. The stipend for the Wedding Coordinator is $200; but the fee for parish musicians will vary, according to the number of instrumentalists and singers chosen. In your introductory packet you will receive contact information for both the coordinator and the musicians.
üOFFERING TO THE CHURCH
It is customary to make an offering to the Church on the occasion of the celebration of a marriage. As a Sacrificial Giving Parish, Our Lady of Mt. Carmel lives by a firm belief and trust in God’s abundance. The passage in Matthew 10:30, admonishing us not to worry because “even the hairs of your head are all numbered,” encourages us to trust in God completely for all our needs. We apply that trust to everything we do at Our Lady of Mt. Carmel. Naturally, we incur expenses whenever we use our facilities; however, we do not set a price for their use in the celebration of the sacraments for active registered parishioners. And so, we ask that each couple prayerfully consider the amount they will offer the parish. Also, it is customary to provide a stipend to the priest or deacon who presides at your ceremony. The standard stipend amount is $100.
Disclaimer: The information provided in this booklet is for informational purposes only. Our Lady of Mt. Carmel maker no representation as to the completeness or suitability. Every couple is a special case and cannot be accurately and completely represented in this smalla and short format. Out Lady of Mt. Carmel is not liable for any errors or omissions in this information or any losses, injuries, or damages arising from its use.
A Final Note...
Today, we, the Church—especially married couples, parents, priests, deacons and teachers—have a grave responsibility to help our people to enter into
a marriage that gives promise of being grace-filled, happy and successful.
We consider it a privilege, a pleasure and a serious responsibility to assist you in preparing to receive the Sacrament of Matrimony.
Call the Parish Office today for an appointment at (858) 484-1070 or contact us online:
www.olmc-sandiego.org
Love is patient, love is kind.
It is not jealous, is not pompous,
it is not inflated, it is not rude,
it does not seek its own interests,
it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury,
it does not rejoice over wrongdoing
but rejoices in the truth.
It bears al things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a