Discernment and Formation - Journey toward the Permanent Diaconate

March 2020. Stirrings of the call. For several years, I had been serving at my parish as an MC altar server, for daily Mass, Sunday liturgies, and funeral services. It was a quiet but meaningful way to draw close to the altar and to Christ Himself, which became a steady part of my spiritual life. But during COVID, everything came to a halt as public Masses were suspended. That loss felt disorienting, almost disabling. I didn’t realize how much grace I had been receiving just by being near the altar, until it was suddenly taken away. It left a silence, not just in the church, but in my heart.

Eventually, I was invited to assist at a few private liturgies, and in that stillness, something unexpected happened. Day after day, I stood at the altar with no music, no congregation, just the Eucharist, the Word, and silence. At first, I missed the life of the parish. But gradually, I came to see that when everything else was stripped away, God remained. I finally saw Him as He truly is… Our Father.
One day, during the elevation of the host, I felt as if God was holding me, whispering, “I love you. You are mine.” It reminded me of the first time I held my children, completely in awe, overcome by love. That’s how I believe God sees us. Now, whenever I’m at Mass, I return to that moment. At the doxology, when the priest lifts the host and prays, Through Him, and with Him, and in Him, I’m reminded that God is my Father—and I am His beloved son.

July 2021. Entered formal discernment process with our diocese / Praying more intentionally as a couple. My wife and I attended orientation with 14 other couples at the Diocese of San Diego, where we learned more about the Office of the Permanent Diaconate. During that season, my wife and I would often talk about what this journey meant for our family. Sometimes we prayed before the Blessed Sacrament; other times, around our kitchen table with our children. Through it all, she reminded me that this wasn’t just my calling—it was ours. Like most callings, mine didn’t arrive all at once. It unfolded gradually through prayer, conversation, and a slow surrender.

At some point, you have to cross a bridge of uncertainty. Not because the path is clear, but because something greater is calling. Faith carries you forward. For me, it was my wife’s prayers and my family’s support that gave me the strength to take that step.

September 2022. Accepted into Aspirancy / Formation weekends begin. During this time, I began to see how God forms us through love, sacrifice, and the quiet example of others. My wife gave of herself in countless ways—joining me in ministry, encouraging me when I felt overwhelmed, and embracing this path with me. My family made space for formation weekends, late-night study, and time away, never with complaint. Their love grounded me more than they know. I was also shaped by the witness of faithful men—husbands, fathers, deacons, and priests—who showed me that holiness is possible in ordinary life, and that real leadership begins in service.

But the clearest model of servant leadership came from home. It was lived out in small, hidden acts of love. Their example prepared my heart to follow Christ more fully, as he “did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mt 20:28).

Only when we long for Him above all else can our hearts be made spacious enough to receive His love. That longing drew me beyond the sanctuary, into the everyday—where Christ still gives Himself completely. And that model of humble service now forms my heart for the diaconate.

September 2023-May 2025. Rite of Admission to Candidacy (2023) / Institution of Reader (2024) / Institution of Acolyte (2025) / Ongoing academic and spiritual formation. God, in His mercy, has continued to expand my heart year after year through each step of formation—from the Rite of Admission to Candidacy, the Institution of Reader and, most recently, the Institution of Acolyte. Alongside these milestones, ongoing academic and spiritual formation have deepened my understanding of both theology and pastoral service. Ministries in Charity also became a key part of my journey. More than just pastoral and sacramental functions, it meant encountering Christ in the poor, the sick, the lonely, and the forgotten. These moments reminded me that diaconal service must always flow from a heart for those on the margins. It’s in the face of those in need that we begin to understand what it truly means to serve like Christ. In this way, God makes room in the soul for real, beautiful, spiritual relationships, through humility and selflessness, so we can walk with others and share in their burdens with love: from comforting the bereaved, to hospital visits, to hospice care. It’s in these hidden moments that I’ve come to experience God’s love most fully revealed.

August 2025. Final year of formation / preparing for ordination. As I continue on this path, I’ve come to see that commitment to the diaconate must be rooted in two essential things: a deep relationship with God, and virtuous friendships with others. These foundations continue to shape my journey toward ordination next year.

 May 30, 2026. Anticipated ordination to the permanent diaconate, God willing.The future may be uncertain, but it’s often in that uncertainty that God’s work unfolds most powerfully, right in the ordinary moments of our lives. Even when I can’t see the outcome, I trust that Our Father is guiding all things for good. As St. Julian of Norwich said, “…all shall be well.” And with God providing everything we need, it won’t just be okay—it will be exactly for the best.